paranoia

For almost 4 months I have been sitting indoors not wanting to explore the outside world. It’s really sickening when I was born optimist but slowly the world just changes me into becoming paranoid. The more I get to know the world the more suspicious I became. The anger and hatred just keeps growing bigger. All I ever wanted was to help people around me, whenever I decided to help people it’s only because I love doing it and it makes my heart full as it brings meaning to my life. I guess my judgements can no longer be trusted as I have been constantly stabbed at the back by the people I thought was my friends and those whom I trusted. It hurts so much. If it was done intentionally, congratulation you have got what you wanted. I hope you are satisfied with your life, I do not wish you for the worst. I forgive you. Nevertheless what goes around comes around, I leave that to god. Nonetheless if it was unintentional then perhaps I was just being overly sensitive. I was never warned or told that wanting to help people was so much trouble. But even so I’m a forgiver. No matter how much pain you have caused me or how angry I may seemed, I will always forgive because that is just the kind of person I am and I would do it all over again anytime.